Oh how I Love My Beloved Google Reader

So I am having a great day.I am a blog junkie.Yes, me I am raising my hand I have a problem.I love DYI blogs ,cupcake blogs and the list goes on.They make me so happy .As I am driving into work each day I get crazy excited about who did what.Their are so many talented women out there and all I can say is they simply inspire me everyday.Somehow one or several of my blogs make me smile and laugh.How did I ever live with out my Google Reader .Oh the joy of having 100 and so blogs to read : )
So here's a project I hope to be doing with my kiddos this weekend
http://www.eddieross.com/eddie_ross/2008/12/no-wire-hangers-well-maybe-just-one.html
Wreaths !!!! Can't wait.Our tradition at home is after a eating our thanksgiving meal we decorate the house for Christmas.Joy ...We have now been in our new home for 4 years and after 2 years of having the blues I want to go crazy this year so be ready for some pics !!

Ups and Downs

Boy were has time gone.Lets see I have so many changes to talk about.

Lets start with the bad I lost my best friend Estella on July 26th she lost her battle with leukemia.And I lost someone that I could confide my dreams with and even,my worst fears.And I have so much guilt about how I took for granted that she would always be there for us all.Now,I have no one..to share all the good and bad with.Sure I have my mom,sister and husband.But somehow telling her everything was easier,uncensored I didn't have to hesitate for the fear off criticism.God I miss her so much and this horrible dark depression I feel still lingers till this day.When do you stop hurting?When do you fully except that she is gone?Do I really want to come to terms that such a beautiful wife,mom and friend is gone.Why my Estella-she had such faith in God that her prayers would be answered ,if not her prayers then mine her families her other friends were did my loving God that had been there for me so long go.So this is were I begin to have doubts about my faith.Many doubts .This was a very dark place to be and to honestly I still find myself going back to it.I am so ashamed to admit it.And yes I am grateful for the beautiful husband and children I have there health and all the good things that come with our life,but when I feel this gratefulness I begin to feel the guilt that my beautiful Estella should be sharing it with her family as well.That's when I get all depressed and begin to shut down and just want to be left alone.But the real world begins to call my name Mom, Babe or Brandy.And at that moment I rub my teary eyes and look at life and all i know is I have to live for my family and especially myself.And you know what if she were here she would yell and probably even cuss me out for having such pity on her.She would not think that was cool at all.

So in the mean time I have been trying to keep myself busy with the kids.So lets begin with Joseph he is now 18 years old and has moved out.He is living with a friend in Austin.As crazy as it is he calls more and tells me he loves me more and asked for money every chance he gets.I think he is realizes now that the real world is not so kind and will not give him chance after chance.I pray for him so much that God be with him every step that he takes.As for Jesse he is now 17 years.Jesse has gotten himself in trouble and now has to deal with the repercussion of his actions.Oh,how I can not wait till these boys,are settled down and responsible young men.Cynthia just turned 15 and is acting the of teenage girl from being boy crazy to talking back.So her dad and I have are trying our best to guide her in the right direction which is a lot harder then you may think.Sara our Sara is 13 now and is becoming a great young lady and every once and a while you have to remind her that you are the parent and she is the child.James turned 11 today and the feeling I have there are no words for my youngest child is turning into a Young teenage boy and I feel sad and overcome with so many feelings and questions.How did this all happen so fast?Were did all my time go.Will it ever stop going by so fast.