La Migra

Okay okay I know this blog is probably not a good idea to write but shit I am sooooooo tired of this whole immigration shit.
Come on now why are my people good enough to build your homes ,cook your food ,take care of your children,wash your freaken cars but yet we are not granted citizenship.Why are we looked down upon.
I don't think anyone in there right mind wouldn't flee a poverty stricken country .For the better of there family there children and one day there children's children .Have some human compassion.If god forbid I had not been blessed to be born in the u.s and had been born in Mexico you better believe I would have saved every red cent I earned and used it to get my brown ass out of Mexico.
In the end we all just want the very best for our family and these people should be given a chance .Everyone should be given a chance .Freedom and wanting better in life should not stop at borders .Why is our border so prejudice ? let them be give them tools to try to better themselves .Educate them .We have tons of Americans that sit at home and wait for that welfare check to come in and they don't move there ass to get jobs .Why not help the people that had to leave there loved ones behind .That will get up every morning and take that bottom of the barrel job .You know cleaning that expensive hotel room you just had a great night stay in for about a week and you didn't even bother to ask the housekeeper what her name was . Shes probably making a lousy 7-8 bucks that an American citizen wouldn't take .She'll clean probably about 18-21 rooms today at 23 minutes each and clean that lovely toilet on her hand and knees .But yet she's not good enough be left alone.If getting your freaken Visa were an easier process for them maybe they would go get it.
Just and try to put yourself in there position .What would you do ?

being me

lets see this can get really complicated .
First off I am a mom .Which I had no idea 17 year ago what that all entailed .Being a mom you are your children's true advocate you will fight a good fight for your children ,even when they are wrong I will come to there defense (why I have no idea) I am a protector off all bad things from naughty movie videos ,to middle school boys trying to holler at my daughters ,to the school bullies ,to any bad at all.I am a 24 hour nurse thanks to webmd , I am a counselor , I am the listener to any woos my babies may have ,oh yes I can also be the enemy (when I say no to there fullish wants ). I am the wife ,cook,cleaner ,toenail clipper,hairstylist,referee,the alfit inspector ( making sure no one wears anything scandalous to school) , the one that cries her self to sleep scared that her children will not make good choices ,scared that one day they will not be there,scared that if I tell them no they will hate me ,scared that they don't understand my fears ,because if they understood they wouldn't fight me on my decision.I have done many stupid awful things that I regret with all my being .I have said many things that I wish had never been spoken .I have hated .Which I believe aged me about 10 years and gave me no comfort so I brandy will never hate again instead I will dislike a whole bunch j/k.I have learned many valuable lessons in life .The greatest of which is family . And that I love them all with all my heart !!!

Changes

Changes .
Some changes you can take lightly,some you can take so very hard.I have realized that being a mommy to five little ones you will encounter dozens of changes in your everyday life.Like the day they don't need you to tie there so shoes,or pick out there school clothes.
What hurts especially bad is when your brand spank in new 17 year old can make decisions that will change alot of his life. And me being the mommy can do nothing but wish him the best and support whatever it is he has chosen . That hurts ... Right now at this moment I wish I could see into his future and make sure this is the right decision for him. But I feel in my heart that I need to back off and let him decide on what's best .I look into his beautiful brown eyes and see such determination ,strength,pride and most of all I see my son ,my son that has been thru so much a boy that has proven alot of people wrong ,proven that you can change if someone just give you a chance, someone just hear him out all his pain and all his fears and dreams . I feel so torn between not wanting to let go and being an understanding parent a mom.
Change and can be good or bad .Like when a child wants all the freedom that a grown man should have. And you say no and that kid fights you everyday to have his way.You have to make a change to stop being that push over walk all over mom and stand your ground.And you know what its okay to be disliked or even hated by your child.It hurts so bad to have kid that will not listen .I don't ask for much ,I ask for what all parents should ask for do well in school,be respectful ,do not do drugs .What do you do when you and your family have been down this road before .Do you give no more chances and make that call that can ultimately put your son away .I have been thru this before why is he testing me ?Does he think I will not do it? Will he truly hate me ?Should I care ? I am just so tired I feel like screaming .I literally feel weak from this all .I have no more fight left in me .I have always been so strong but no more I throw the towel in . I can not keep yelling and begging .There came a time once before and it hurt so bad to make the decision to get help and it's sad to say the time has came once again.And I feel like I have failed all over again.Yes,I let him go to his friends .yes,I let him have good time.But when I let him do these things its because I TRUST HIM and believe he is were he tells me he will be and I believe him when he tell me he is being good.I am once again the fool ......But why should i be a bitch and say no you can go no were and see no one .You have to let your kid out to have fun a be a freaken kid..But I guess I will have to see were this road will take me the road called fed up and I need to take a left at give me a break ......

mi abuelito

Mi abuelito ,
There is so much to this man .When I look at him I see the wrinkles he has earned over the years .The gray hair that he can pull off just fabulously (not everyone one looks great in gray hair) .The small thin body frame he is in now ,use to once be a strong man that we all ran to when he got home from a long day at work.Mi abuelito has three daughters and three sons ,23 grandchildren and 34 great grandchildren .And the family is still growing .I remember once when I was a little girl mi abuelito saying that it doesn't matter how much money you have what makes you rich is how big your family is .So by the looks of it we are millionaires !!
It hurts by whole entire being when I see mi abuelito so frail and so sad .If he only knew what joy he brings me to just to see him just to simply touch his face or kiss his cheek to hug and hold him .My children are truly blessed to know him and see him not many kids know or have seen there great grandparents. I wish with all my heart there was way to take away his pain .But there isn't .I wish i could make him that strong man that he once was.The man that looked at mi abueltia like she was the most beautiful women in the world and still does till this day.
He is the glue of our family .Him and mi abuelita have been thru so much good and so much bad but they have remained together and are so devoted to each other .All I want is for him to know that we love him and that to thank him being so good to us all ....

I can remember ...

I usually am a bit on edge come the end of July.And its because I know my sons birthday is just so close.It never ever fails I start to remember everything that I went thru being pregnant with him at age 16 .It was am emotional roll a coaster ride for me .From the way my body was changing .Nobody ever explained to me the changes my body would go thru or the things I would feel.I can remember placing my hand on my tummy and being so scared but in front of family I acted so brave .How was I going to feed and cloth a baby a baby that deserved everything that life had to offer when all I was ,was a high school drop out that thought love would conquer all.How wrong i was .I get mad at myself so much but at the same time I am so happy I had my boys when I did.My boys are so handsome so full of life . Joseph will be 17 on August 2ND .My boy has had a hard couple of years but now is a stronger young man.Before his future looked grim but now I only see good things to come.I do not know how to explain the unconditional love I have for him actually for all my children . God has blessed me with many things in life I have both my grandparents on mother and fathers side I have huge family that is fee led with love and kindness. I do not want to ever ever forget my past because that truly has made me who I am today .All the bad I went thru and all the good either way I am happy to be alive and in good health .I know i will probably never forget certain smells ,touches something someone once said to me .And for those things i will be forever grateful.

What is there to do ??

Hello all .

Sorry I have been busy busy .So lets see last Friday I went with my sister and some of her ex co workers so celebrate her new job .I had a great freaken time.I laughed and laughed it brings me so much joy that my sister is doing well and that she is happy.Joseph had a job interview at Whataburger and got the job I am so proud of him .He will start working Monday .Everyone in our family is proud of him .Next year hopefully Jesse will get a summer job.

Man how time flies .I can not believe that I have a child that is old enough to work .How did this happen ? When I look at all the kids I am amazed that they are all mine .Joseph ,Jesse and Cynthia are all taller then me .Sara and James are almost there.I can still remember them all being babies .Oh how I use to bath them and hold them .Oh the way they smelled after the bath all fresh with that baby powder smell and baby magic lotion.with Joseph I was afraid to do everything from a simple bath to changing a pamper .I didn't want to hurt him .He was a preemie small and perfect and best of all he was mine all mine.Those perfect little fingers and toes .His beautiful black hair his dark skin he brought me so much joy.By the time Jesse came around I was terrified now I had two babies ,I just never had felt so much love for anything like I did them not even for myself.I could just look at them all day .We had only a small bedroom to share that had a twin size bed and two cribs .And it all worked out for itself.I met the man that I would marry when Jesse was only two months old and have been with him ever since.We eventually added to our family three more kiddos .By the time Cynthia came along I was a pro with babies .I don't know what the future will hold for us but I will be on my guard for all the good and the bad.

What I have learned from being a a mommy is that you will tolerate what you taught you never would,that you forgive all the bad,that your love for your children is totally unconditional ,that all your children want is you and there daddy to be happy and love them everyday .

Just sit back and enjoy the ride they call life.

Congradulation's Sanny !!!!!

Congratulation's Sanny !!!!!!!!!!!!
You deserve this you have worked hard .Let's see you have done a lot of things this last couple of years .Like what you ask ?You have changed your life and all for the better . I know a lot of things were hard for you to do and you did it and now you are a better stronger women for it .And thru everything that has been done you still remain and good person that is happy with her decision.Now you are starting a new journey and you will do just fine .Hopefully the state people are ready for Beyonce .If things get rough just be that girl that I pushed to fight at the University Apartments LOL oh, wait not that girl she was scared be that girl that you are now the "I won't take no shit from anyone girl". I love you !!

Bianca

Lets see where do I start.When I had the idea to start writing this blog .I was a little set back with what do I keep private what do I let everyone know .But i think that everyone needs to know when you are doing great and when you not doing good at all and when your at your bottom.
I mean lets be honest we all have our ups and downs .When we are doing well we want everyone to know but when we at our worse we keep to ourselves at least that's what I do.
So with great thought I will tell you what I saw today and how I felt and all the emotions and thoughts that went trough my head .
On my way to work this morning my usual route the usual traffic the usual homeless people at the corner ,but wait there was a little girl begging a freak en kid a petite homeless kid .I was dumb founded .And of course she came up to the driver side asking for money ,my heart dropped I was trying so hard not to cry and everyone thats knows me I am tough cookie it takes alot to break me.So I told her I was sorry I had no money but I talked to her for little bit .She looked tired and dirty I wanted to wipe her face and take her hair out of her face .She was thin and looked so defenseless.Then all of a sudden I remembered I had a bottle water and gave it to her when i handed it to her I asked her for her name and she looked confused she said "what?" I said what is your name and she told me her name I felt so bad when was the last time someone cared enough to ask this kid her name .She told me her name and I told her I'd pray for her.
So finally the light turned green and I drove off .I was so mad and sad I started crying .Where the hell are her parents ?But then I thought is this what people though of me when Joseph ran a way ?What is she running from abuse ,neglect just not wanting to follow the rules her parents had.When Joseph ran a way he was running from what I could not give him his dad.When he would come back home he would be so thin so dirty ,and we would all tell him how much we loved him and he didn't care he would just take off.Everyone told me he'll get tired of being on the street but he didn't .Then other people would say the police would catch up with him . I knew that they were right .But I also knew that if he were caught by the police he would either turn himself around or just go down hill.You see we tired counseling one on one group counseling with other teenagers all of his family tried to help we all tried we all begged we cried we screamed but nothing worked.Unfortunately Joseph got in trouble with the police and was placed in a residential treatment facility for 18 mths.So after being a run a way for a year and then 18 mth's of being in the facility .He finally gave up and my kid changed .I have my son back .I have all my kids together finally after about three years.So when I saw this little girl .All the feelings that I had once felt came back to me and I just wanted to tell her it will all be okay just go home ,but then I taught is home a safe place for her .Someone has to miss her .How many other homeless run a ways are out there ?How do we fix this problem? What do you tell a kid that is so lost ,I know what I told my own son . All I know is you don't give up you pray and you stand by your kid at there lowest and you make sure they know how much they are loved and wanted and you listen to them you really listen you put all your feelings aside and you let that kid tell you everything thing they have bottled up and when they do that they are setting themselves free .All that weight is lifted off their shoulders.


Hopefully this little girl will one day go home or to safe place with a family that loves her and be a great young women. Just hope and pray she will not be forgotten......

Girl's and scissors

I am sure by the title most of you know what happened.I got home last night so tired .My hubby had made a really good dinner spaghetti and salad .He waited until I got home to eat ,so we are sitting down minding or own business .When Chippy and Spanky come down stairs saying they need to speak to me "ALONE".I was like hell what now.So I was like okay when I am done eating they just stood there staring at me.So I got up from the table and went to the bathroom with the girls.Cynthia couldn't stop with her teenage girly yell .Then she did it she took her hair

out of the bun and there it was .She had chopped off her hair.Why?Why?Why?So I had to go back to the kitchen and ask Ralph for some money .Then I told him I had to take Chippy to the store .The store just happened to be the hair salon.Ralph would have went crazy if he seen Chippy's hair ,so I figured I would take her to fix it then I'd deal with him when I got home.

They ladies were great .They were like we've seen worse .So they fixed Chippy's do.I was so upset but I got over it .It will grow back.I told her I hope you have learned your lesson ,DON'T CUT YOUR OWN HAIR !!!

She just giggled so you know what that means she didn't learn her lesson.

Quick check in.

So lets see there not much to write .Well I picked up Jesse yesterday from my nieces .Joseph is home to .So all my kiddos are home.Last night I was feeling yucky.So I turned in early.The kids were nice in quite for me.
I woke up this morning feeling a little better.Beb has the day off so he made Chippy and I an awesome breakfast pork chops and eggs with toast.I guess him and the kids are going to lounge all day at home.
We have been fairly busy at work ,um rephrase that ,this morning we were busy.FYI do not ever ever order the fried macaroni from Plucker's one of the guys at work ordered it and the stuff looked so nasty I tried to warn him not to order it but, no he wanted to be hard headed .Watch in about and hour he's going to run to the bathroom .Yup and you know he isn't going to be feeling to hot then.
Any who that's all I got for right now .....

Mustache of all mustache's were have you gone?

So last night for my husband Ralph made the best BBQ ever .Yes , I know it was father's day and I should of let him have break but, he enjoys being the great pit master he is.He out did himself this time.So usually when Ralph (AKA Beb ) is done bar- b-que-ing he'll go upstairs and take a bath.So he did his thing and when he came downstairs abracadabra his mustache was gone and let me tell you we were all stunned .James about jump out of his skin ,Sara was scared shit less and Cynthia and me were wordless.

I know your asking what's the big deal it's just a mustache.Nope that's were your wrong .My Beb had this thick, black and full mustache .Sure I hated it when he trimmed the hairs and when it was time to give me a kiss it would hurt because it felt like little needle's poking my face .When I woke up this morning I sat in bed and looked at him .He looks alot younger .It made me smile .I have no idea why it just did.I guess it's because I always tell Ralph he is un- spontaneous .Like he's stuck in his ways .You know same haircut since I have been with him which has been 16 years ,same mustache same ,like in clothing same everything.

So I asked him why he shaved it off.Do you know what he told me that James double dared him.LOL.I couldn't stop laughing .

It amazing after 16 years of being together he can still make me laugh and almost tee tee in my pants.

Love ya

Beb

Father's Day

What makes a great dad.In my life it has taken more then a dad to raise me it took my uncles ,my aunt ,my grandparents and my mom you could can say all these people played the dad role in my life.They took care of me and my sister with out once making us feel like an outsider.We have a huge beautiful Latin family .I will not speak badly of my father for him being absent in our life's.But instead I will forgive all that has happened and enjoy what time I do have with him.

My dad is a strong man a very proud man .I believe in his time of growing up life was very hard on him .Dads, well at least my grandfather didn't show to much affection towards him.But when I look at my grandfather and how loving he is with my children and with me it is hard to believe .I think maybe he knows he wasn't to touchy feely with his own children But when he talks of his own father which would be my great great grandfather it is no wonder my grandfather is the way he is.All my uncles on dad's side as well as my mothers are very good men.And my dad now is a wonderful grandpa to my children as well to my brothers kids .He loves them all so much I can see it when he smiles at them the way he holds and hugs them ,even when they are speaking to him he gives them all the attention they deserve.

I feel that the next generation of men in my family will have learned the don't and do's from the men they have in their family now.Dads are so important .The boys Joseph and Jesse their father died in 2005 and not until he passed away did I realize how much my sons longed for him.It was a very pain full and hard time for them.As many of my close family and friends know .But I have tried my best to answer all questions they may have about him .But I was so young when I had my boys Joseph will be 17 years old in August and Jesse will be 16 in November,it seems I have forgotten alot of things and that upsets me because they want to know about him.But luckily I have their dads family which they keep the memories alive and not forgotten for my sons.

I never really had seen a dad .I mean a man that takes care and love's his family until I met Ralph's dad .I was this is how it is suppose to be loving ,peaceful and caring.So intern Ralph is a good daddy to all of our children.I know this pass year with all the events that have happened with Joseph .It has tested him .But in the end he tries to have a close relationship with him they talk more they laugh more together .Time will heal I firmly believe that , I have to .I look at my daughters with Ralph and I am like damn that's what me and my sister should of had with or own father.But I am a lucky women to have such a good man one that cares for his children and treats them all with respect and most important the love that they all deserve .They might not all be his flesh in blood but he does love them each and everyone of them.

I am so blessed..

Why oh ,why is it so hot ?

So this morning Ralph got up early took my truck into get an oil change.Came home around 11 a.m ,I had just jumped out of the shower .And he was like what do you want to do.Honestly I just wanted to stay home and rest but I knew the kids wanted to get out of the house.So everyone got dressed and we left to go into Austin.We stopped at my two favorite garden spots Diaz Gallery and The Great Outdoors.I couldn't help but take some pictures of the kids.

The were having a good time but I think the sun started to get to them .And after looking at what the temp. was outside I couldn't blame them .

Ralph and I were getting tired to so we headed home.

Joseph went to Schlitterbaugn and I called Jesse this morning he was fine.Tomorrow will be fathers day . I have no idea what we will be doing.

well I think I am going to out side with Ralph he really does love to be in the back yard .He just adores all the work he has put into it .

Cynthia in all her glory!!

Chippy in all her glory !! So Miss.Cynthia (AKA Chippy) has to go to summer school.Yes,sir.Just having good looks does not pass you to the 8th grade .But the good news is she'll be in the 8th grade once she completes summer school.

And let me tell you she is not happy.The nerve of the them making Chippy get up early do her hair and makeup and lets not forget pick out her alfit that can take an eternity to get right .You know the right bracelet ,earings,belt and shoes.And I have the prevlige of hearing Chippy's woes about the teachers , students , how there are no bathroom doors that locke and why was she cursed with my curly hair that wil take her forver to straighten .

Yup I get to hear all this while getting myself ready for work and on the lovely ride to drop her off at school.She makes me laugh .But i have to laugh in the inside because god forbid I laugh at loud and she give me that look because she is soooo serious about her issues.

One thing that I am so grateful for are that little girls today look so much different from the girls or the girl I was.You know the mall high hair .The hairstyles that took one can of Aqua net to get just right.It was all about how high could I get my hair.Damn and I thought I looked so cute.Now the wear it straight as a board .And it's soft their hair is actually soft !!Shot you couldn't even run your hand thru my hair .Let's not forget the black eyeliner .I would even go outside if I didn't have any on.Now their all natural .I could go on for days of all the difference's there are.But I won't .

So I told the kids last night that I started writing a blog .They were all happy .James (AKA baby boo) was so happy .And Sara(AKA Spanky) couldn't belive it .Cynthia just laughed .Jesse is at my nieces house so he doesn't know yet and Joseph has been spending time with his Aunt.I miss them both .I keep asking them when are they coming home .There like never it's summer .I am so happy all is well with the kids.

I did it.

Yuppers, I started my blog today.After much thought and asking my sister if this sounded like a good idea she agreed .She said do whatever makes me happy.I love reading other people's blog and so it seems that I have the blog bug.

Now what should I write about the options are endless?My kids I can talk about all day but I really don't want to bore anyone .Don't get me wrong they are great kids but not everyone wants to hear about what babyboo did today at school.Or do they hmm? I guess the first thing that everyone will have to know are the kids names so here we go Joseph is 16 ,Jesse 15, Cynthia13,Sara 12,James 9 .Yes I know five .And of course they are a part of my everyday life.My reason for getting my botty up in the morning and driving an hour to work and coming home oh ,the joy to coming home and hearing all the teenager girl drama.Lovely but i wouldn't trade it for the world.Don't get me wrong there are those moments were I walk into my bathroom and lock the door behind me and think hmm can I drown myself in the toilet water .Just a joke .I sit and look at myself in the mirror and I start to literally think about what the problem is and try to find a freak en way to fix it.And I hope to God it's fixable .

Luckily I am married and usually if the problem is to big I can run to my husband .But usually once I get a hold of him I can not bear to tell him what is all going on .I think .Why should I stress him out ?I can handle everything .This is not a good idea .But that's what happens.I generally keep the really shitty stuff to myself .So you all will get to hear me rant and rave so be ready...