Changes

Changes .
Some changes you can take lightly,some you can take so very hard.I have realized that being a mommy to five little ones you will encounter dozens of changes in your everyday life.Like the day they don't need you to tie there so shoes,or pick out there school clothes.
What hurts especially bad is when your brand spank in new 17 year old can make decisions that will change alot of his life. And me being the mommy can do nothing but wish him the best and support whatever it is he has chosen . That hurts ... Right now at this moment I wish I could see into his future and make sure this is the right decision for him. But I feel in my heart that I need to back off and let him decide on what's best .I look into his beautiful brown eyes and see such determination ,strength,pride and most of all I see my son ,my son that has been thru so much a boy that has proven alot of people wrong ,proven that you can change if someone just give you a chance, someone just hear him out all his pain and all his fears and dreams . I feel so torn between not wanting to let go and being an understanding parent a mom.
Change and can be good or bad .Like when a child wants all the freedom that a grown man should have. And you say no and that kid fights you everyday to have his way.You have to make a change to stop being that push over walk all over mom and stand your ground.And you know what its okay to be disliked or even hated by your child.It hurts so bad to have kid that will not listen .I don't ask for much ,I ask for what all parents should ask for do well in school,be respectful ,do not do drugs .What do you do when you and your family have been down this road before .Do you give no more chances and make that call that can ultimately put your son away .I have been thru this before why is he testing me ?Does he think I will not do it? Will he truly hate me ?Should I care ? I am just so tired I feel like screaming .I literally feel weak from this all .I have no more fight left in me .I have always been so strong but no more I throw the towel in . I can not keep yelling and begging .There came a time once before and it hurt so bad to make the decision to get help and it's sad to say the time has came once again.And I feel like I have failed all over again.Yes,I let him go to his friends .yes,I let him have good time.But when I let him do these things its because I TRUST HIM and believe he is were he tells me he will be and I believe him when he tell me he is being good.I am once again the fool ......But why should i be a bitch and say no you can go no were and see no one .You have to let your kid out to have fun a be a freaken kid..But I guess I will have to see were this road will take me the road called fed up and I need to take a left at give me a break ......